Gain and Loss

This last year has been the hardest I think emotionally I have encountered in years. Not so Much physically but mentally and emotionally.

There has been great loss and great gain. I have learned some pretty hard lessons of boundaries with people. Lived through several tragedy's in this last year. I guess I should start at the beginning…

I will preface this by saying people often fear the things they don't understand. And that we often times choose to hear what we wish. That stinking flesh is always trying to control over the spiritual.

Nearly a year ago My oldest choose to live with her father. It was less than pleasant circumstances. But I also finally just asked God why this happened and to please show me HIS purpose in it. I don't want to be bitter or angry or numb even… It was a brutal situation that grieved my heart so much. I felt like my heart had been torn out and hoe was I to continue to do even just the basics. I just wanted to cancel all upcoming holidays and breathe again … Breathing is so hard at different stages in our lives.

Then a month after I lost a grandparent that I was close with and we decided to cash out some stock to go to the funeral as even more hard it was my father last parent gone… As his dad passed a year before. I never got to meet my grandfather.

 We decided to go ahead and all of us go… as the twins were under 2 they flew free… Gosh time fly's so fast! All my sib's were there. Though the spouses and kids were not all able to come.
Then shortly after that I was able to connect with my Grandma Jane… As the anniversary was passion got loosing my grandfather. Such an incredible gift and blessing in our lives!
I knew that we had a immediate and deep connection and got to hear all kinds of stories about my grandfather and who he was.
It did help ease the ache just a little of loosing my other grandmother. And being able to learn more about my history in our family. Then We were invited to go to Disney all expenses paid by Grandma Jane! I was so blown away I don't know how many times I cried. Years of sending cards and just reaching out in love … and it was all coming back in a huge amount …. As you can imagine the twins are ALL about Mickey and Minney Mouse! And though they were so little just 2! They remember!
Zoe had so much fun and got to do even more things with Brent and the other family there there ended up being 12 of us all together!

Time fly's by… life changes and states the same.

Well some of you may be wondering what happened as I feel off the face of the earth… so to speak.

About a year ago we had a huge family change that was very hard on our family and I chose to keep it very private so the people involved would not be hurt.
The short end of it is our teenage daughter decided to live with her father. Thankfully she is doing great so I hear.

After that we had many more changes… I had been so terribly sick for years and Dr's struggled to figure out how to help.
Mis diagnosis for Lupus, and all the things it could be… well lets just say they are all deadly.

In the end I decided to ignore all the crazy stuff going on and "CHOOSE" to move on. I prayed about it and really felt like God was telling me to make a change. To walk or leap in faith… I felt like God was telling me to decide if GOD was bigger and to completely trust in HIM and get off all the pain meds and other things. So I did! I have been off ALL my medication for about 5 months now! I had a hysterectomy in January, and even went on a family vacation to Disney to meet a Beloved Grandmother for the first time!

I am still doing my Mary Kay business and the last year I was able to give over 15 thousand dollars of product away to victims of human trafficking and at risk youth! Even help ladies who had been job hunting for a long time find a polished look to give them a boost of confidence!

I am building my team and going for Directorship and my car!! I am loving the leadership role and that I am growing so much.  I am a very busy mom of the 3 at home with being involved in school for Zoe, and the twins at 2 1/2 years old now. Being healed and no longer in bed nearly all the time! Well lets just say I am doing circles around Brent! LOL It is sure nice to feel well and to be able to invest more in my husband and the kids. I have been mentoring some single mom's and teaching a few how to cook even!
We are also going to a new church where we feel the incredible blessing of fitting in and being challenged at the same time! Living Hope Church with pastor Phil Steiger and Ryan.

I am loving the new challenges of the daily live and the incredible peace and joy that we have in this season after so much has happened.
Last week I went to a family birthday party for my sister and we just hung out and played games, ate food and let the kids hang out! That was like old times when I was a kid.

Over the years I have learned that when we get married things change in so many ways and it takes a deep love for our sib's and the spouses to love each other and encourage each other when we may not understand all that is going on in their lives.  Life is ever busy!

I even made some incredible life long friends this year! That was a huge blessing for me and still is. I know some people are in our life for seasons… but this time I have a few lifers!
Well HI from all of the Wichman family and we are so excited to give you this summery of what Gpod is doing in our life! May God bring you great blessing!
Kirstie

 

 

Rejection or Love ~ can we choose

Listening to some interesting sermons about signs of a hard heart ! Some times we get hurt and frustrated by the way people treat us or what they think... another rejection by a friend or family or even a stranger. lack of connectivity, and finding ways to stay away from others , finding fault with others is one of those signs ( ie looking for things wrong, refusing to see good in things) ... Rejection is part of life and it is never easy... But if we hadn't rejected Jesus and put Him on that cross we would not have salvation. Jesus  said Father forgive them for they know NOT what they do." Had we known the Character and truly understood Him it would not happen... Simply profound! When you change for the better, or others can't seem to see the good... It is Not you being rejected. For they know you not! I have often struggled and questioned things I see and asked God~ Why?

But if we KNEW we wouldn't have needed a Saviour .... God knew we needed the sacrifice of Jesus. He also gave us free will. Fighting with our flesh is hard. I have learned that much of what I might see or perceive wrong. God is showing me just to pray... Not to judge or have even an opinion about. Being quite is a hard one, walking in love even when someone chooses to believe the gossip, or is creating the gossip... The people who forget that Job was a man God said to Satan ok you can do what you want but don't kill him! It was not because of some great sin.
As long as we have free will we can choose how we act, react ect... But that doesn't change the fact that other people also have free will and can chose things that might hurt.
Walking in love and keeping a heart soft means that we need to choose to NOT take offense. It doesn't mean we allow people to walk all over us or not have boundaries. The bible also states that when you harden your heart you can no longer see or understand. Think about that one... If they can't see or understand, they can't know . They are not rejecting you... they don't know you! They don't understand and the rejection is of a myth.... a shadow. WOW how freeing! Someone that I have known for years finally came to me. Said something I thought funny and strange. Kirstie I know understand ! I SEE who you are. You really are this way all the time! The way the statement was said was like shock and realization just dawned. Don't get e wrong I am far from perfection, I am trying as hard as I can to live intentional, walk in love even when the quills are out. I will still hug, keep on loving and pray.... Waiting for God to show people How incredible HE is in my life. It isn't really personal ?! I can stand on that and the truth that God knows and sees all in my life. I am accountable to Him. And He alone is my defense. People may believe something about me or reject me for something that is a lie. But They have the ability to choose. There are many relationships in life I wish were closer, more filled with agape love... Not hurt or judgement. But nothing I say can change what they think. Only God can. So as I stated to my Mom... I am a professional porcupine hugger! People can get defensive, say the wrong thing reject me doesn't matter! I am CHOOSING Love! It is not easy... But I can do all things through Christ! Walking in hurt and anger will Not change anything. Choosing Love and Forgiveness is God's way. Reconciliation takes both sides and God for He is a God that wastes nothing. My boundaries remain so I am healthier as a person. Humility is against our very flesh desire.... But so worth it.

Living Life Through Change,
Kirstie

A ThankYou

For those of you who have read any of my blogs you know a few things.... I LOVE being a wife and mom, I deal with chronic pain, and the regular mom stuff....

Today I just want to send out a super special thank you for the people I know that serve so many! I have a window seat being a PK, being in ministry before , serving in high places of leadership, and what others would think might be low places....I enjoy every one!

This is a Thank You for The Pastors, the families, the Children's Pastor & his wife who serve and smile even when bombarded with people trying to fix medical problems that they can't understand, The Husbands that try to find balance in protecting and defending their wives and family units.... and trying to still walk in love when others are just porcupines. For the patience, dedication, mercy, love and prayer not to mention studying to help us sheep understand the word better! To have hope, healing, and so much more.... Where you comfort our kids and help them through when we parents are afraid of the teen years! or the potty training accident in nursery.... Or when I sing Loud and I will keep doing so!
For the Prayer, hugs, love support, understanding, lack of judging, reaching out! Making a Safe place! Volunteers in nursery , coffee shop, greeters ALL THE HUGGERS! THE PRAYER TEAM!

I pray for you all! We sure love you! Appreciate everyone of You!
Ethan Thanks for a clean place! RADIANT is HOME! WE ARE HUMBLED AND HONORED TO
 SERVE BESIDE YOU ALL! The office staff, Music team.... THANKS!

The Joy of the Lord IS my strength!

This week has been simply put incredible....
My heart is so full of so much.... Anguish, and compassion for the many people I see hurting and in hard situations. I feel compelled to envelope so many with a hug. Hoping to ease the burden just a bit, to let them know. I care, I see, I am praying ( and yes I truly am! so many people say that... yet its just empty words). To let them know God cares and God loves them!
Our Pastor at Radiant ,Todd Huddnal, has been doing a great series on Jonah. It has just hit home in so many areas for Our life. God sending, compassion storms of mercy because he loves us So much! The great lengths God goes to reach us. And uses everything.

God is so amazing! I know what you may read after this will seem as hard to believe as a man being swallowed by a fish, but. My storm has not stopped.... but I am sheltered by the one who controls the storm. I have had a pretty bad week in the pain department, in fact last night It was one of the harder moments. The searing pain in my joints and the grinding of my hip got to where I could not stand. I crawled up the stairs like my toddlers. But something amazing was going on at the same time. I looked up and just said. "thank you God for this pain" smiling with tears running down my face, I said thank you for what it has taught me, for the gift's I have because of the pain. Thank you Lord for the courage to get out of bed today, and that you gave me JOY that comes from only You, that there is hope in you. Lord Thank You for using everything, that nothing is wasted. The pain I have felt in the last 8+ months have brought me to my knees. With trials God refines and purifies, Truth comes out. I was reading Psalm 32 about how we continually confess  until ALL has been told, it was interesting in this passage that the writer of this psalm was struggling in body, that there was an appointed time! God would be the strength, would take care of teaching and keeping His eye on me. I am giving some bullets. Read it for yourself and ask God to show you....In the end REJOICE with shouts of Praise.
I have been spending all awake time when the kids are down with God. Last night was so much, so sweet more than 6 hours to myself with God un interrupted ! Had I not been in to much pain to sleep I would have missed a neat gift. When I prayed about all this. God showed me a word picture ..... He is always there and His grace is sufficient , its a gift. But for me to get that gift I had to make some decisions. 1 Get out of Bed. 2 The grace was in His hand but I had to seek it. 3. I had to be thankful for the very thing that was causing the discomfort.... my broken body. But it was more than that. finding gratitude in each moment! For everything constantly.
 God always has more blessing in store for us than we know.... there was more than one gift! But there was another choice. I had to continue to walk the first 3 out, then he would give another gift, and another, and another. By now you are on the edge of your seat. thinking this lady has lost it! What now or What is going to happen next?!

Well the pain got worse! But I chose to up the anti so to speak. More gratitude, praise. Then....
I felt as if the heavens opened and just started pouring !
Love , incredible un measurable JOY! Peace and every day I have been CHOOSING and God has been  pouring. When you have great pain or tragedy with God when you give it to him, He brings clarity understanding and its no longer God heal me, its God  use this for your Glory today. Help me touch 1 person. Truth Gods truth reveals itself, healing comes.... but it doesn't always look like what we think it should. Honestly I am ok with that. I don't care. As long as God uses it! I have had a great time making intentional choices with time. Family, special time with my husband, fun time, prayer time.... Our TV is not on often. God is my addiction, if I don't get at least several hours a day, and prayer through the day, meditating on His word, praising him through the day. My body fails. Being 34 hearing grinding of the bone when it moves is not my idea of neat. It hurts, and then there's the migraine stuff. So I am fed up. My DRUG OF CHOICE JUST GOT UPPED, WITH THE PAIN! I am not belittling others that struggle with depression or even anger from the pain. I truly don't have other options! I am allergic to most pain meds. I refuse to add any other's or up what I am on. I refuse to be doped out, miss out, be bummed out, or cop out. The devil has a fighter! ME a child of God and its reckoning day every day!
3 regular pastors I listen to weekly..... Depression can't thrive in an atmosphere  of gratitude constantly, or praise, or love... and JOY from the Lord being your strength. I got it!  This has been the most intense, and most blessed, favored, joyful, loved season of my life yet. Trying to imagine how it gets better with God and it is always more than I dreamed.

Being a close friend to me is hard.... I am very passionate with a huge heart so full of love. My husband said the spill over is enough for most people for a lifetime , and someone once said my love was like a storm a tsunami ! Nice right? I am thinking fierce destructive great word pic.... but they explained to a average person, receiving love in small doses is hard. Living in or around a person that loves like that exposes the bad, creates fear in others because they can't comprehend why or how.
After listening to Jonah with Pastor Todd. I think it would be classified as a storm of mercy.... it gets bigger ( the love for others ) the closer I get to God. But like Gods love it is fierce , unending, amazing, OVERWHELMING ... in all the greatest and best ways. But until we understand the character of God that great love is scary. I am ever more thankful by the day for a husband who can receive the love I give and who loves me just as fiercely and wonderfully.
Honestly we are both givers, it brings great joy to give love ! I want to love in more than 5 languages of love ! But when we were first married having that kind of love was hard ! Learning to receive Love and the ability to pour it out are so different. I had never been loved so much like Christ loves. It made me uncomfortable, self-conscience , but it was inclusive, accepting , not possessive but protective. It made me understand Gods love in a deeper way. It is still overwhelming and I cry often, out of great joy and gratitude.

The one thing I will say in that is over the last 3 years being on the receiving end of such a love is easy from God for me. He is God I have learned His character , but to receive it from a human and daily agape love all the time! Wow it is humbling , exposing, terrifying & inspiring. Why you may ask? How can you be loved in such a way and not be convicted! Challenged to grow be a better you, be so filled with joy you want to laugh and weep. Where you truly know every day that love IS going to be there! It is real not fake?! The same but growing daily! Like a fierce storm.... What God has put together let NO man take apart! Wow that kind of fierce love. It war's for your heart! Words fail to express the depth of incandesce it brings. It is truly God given, inspired.......My beloved husband Brent doesn't make me feel like a queen.... but like I am the only woman that exists one look, one smile he takes car of my heart! He is not my slave, He is my Best friend, a Manly MAN, God Fearing, Challenges me, I love that he will tell me no! He is gifted, smart funny, my lover, a incredible father, provider, he still woes my heart. He is my Leader but serves our family with humility and trusts me and respects me, asks me for advice and help.... We are 1 I love to give him respect, admiration, honor in our home, to boast of the great man he is. It is so hard to be apart for just the time he has to work.... I count the time before the lunch call! Making surprises to visit, or finding new ways to bless him brings my heart such joy. My parents might disagree but I think I have a better marriage than they do, I am giving them a run for their money so to speak! They have a wonderful marriage.... I want my kids to surpass me! If you don't Fight FOR love, to protect love... invest in it? What are we teaching our kids about God's love?
Marriage is work, for me a labor of great love! I made a vow that every day I would pray for my husband really pray for him! And daily give myself to God for me

Giggles and grins With my twins

Being a Mom of twins has been one of the many joys in my life. It must be special to have someone from day one who has been through the same thing! Yet each are uniquely different. Since before birth they were nick named the little buddies.... I read So much on twins. How life would be. The challenge! Honestly Brent and I were so thrilled and our girls were older so we had a little help. But I had no idea.
They are so much more fun! They had a few bad nights a week here and there. Books and everything I read Told us my husband and I would become virtual stranger in the first year, No intimacy would be possible with the demands of the new addition. Suggestions of adding a bed in the nursery were in every single thing we read. So we could take shifts, literally . Well if you have read any of my other blogs you will figure out abnormal is our normal.  So peaceful, happy babies!
Phoebe was born first one minute older 5lb 12oz
Then Ethan 5 lb 9 oz... Phoebe ate a 2 oz bottle just after birth.

Miracles where you least suspect

~ Crazy update!!! False test for Lupus ! what a rolercoster . PTL I don't have it, running more tests one involves swallowing a tiny camera. I have come to this conclusion. After a super intense spiritual battling dream, among other incredible things. I believe that more than ever the only thing going on is my flesh is suffering from battle wounds in the spirit. I have always been very sensitive , I am just going to give it to God. I have done what I can in the way of Dr's I must have Kirstie itis or something New they can Name after me, Halfway joking. Bottom line THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYER, IT IS SURE WELCOME! Here is a summery of the amazing, super humbling things God is doing. over the last few weeks. I have been woken by God between 1:30-@6 AM Praying nightly..... during that time I have felt prompted to start a blog about our life and how God has been working through the pain and changes, one miracle after another, Brent has been fasting one day a week for months, God told us if you want change YOU must make a sacrifice intercede more, deeper. So we have been well as you might imagine I got worse. But the Joy got bigger, peace was deeper , pain more, God brought help in our trouble , a long awaited friendship that brought my face to the feet of God. To start a friendship from someone serving by taking care of you and your kids the house Praying over you the laundry cooking was such a blessing and a overwhelming gift of love from God. Then I started hearing first what I thought was chanting but it got louder, one neighbor was gone the others quiet and asleep.... nothing playing in the house. It was just in our master bedroom... Hundreds of People! PRAYING I GOT UP LOOKING OUTSIDE NO ONE! THEN I HEARD WORSHIP HALLELUJAH PRAISE BE UNTO OUR HOLY KING, TO THE I AM AND IT CONTINUED.... ALL I COULD DO WAS FALL TO MY FACE AND WEEP. PEACE FILLED ME, OUR ROOM, OUR HOME.... THIS HAS CONTINUED NIGHT AFTER NIGHT FOR A WEEK! I ASKED BRENT DO YOU HEAR IT? OH THE VOICES YES THEY HAVE BEEN GOING FOR A WHILE. Several Days ago I felt led to post on a sight for married women a encouragement to those who suffer in body, and to Praise, and Pray through, to lift up their spouse. The person who runs the site chose to publish my encouragement.... in 15 min. 200 thousand women had responded to a need of prayer, God had pricked my Heart to War for them STAND THE GAP . As many who have heard our Beloved Pastors at Radiant Share. God has been calling sparking a fire in Brent and I for such a long time. Ephesians 1 say's EVERY GIFT is our inheritance through Jesus Christ! My body may be broken, but my spirit man is at war! I will not go down! the devil will gain NO ground, after this war he will have no teeth and no gates for hell left. MY GO IS BIGGER, STRONGER, HE IS WORTHY HE IS THE I AM. WE WON'T JUST SERVE IN THIS HOUSE WE WILL PRAISE, WE WILL BE PASSIONATE, FIRST CHAIR, WARRIOR , WORSHIPING , BELIEVING GOD FEARING, PEOPLE LOVING, WE WALK IN VICTORY.... WE HAVE VICTORY IN CHRIST! I don't care if I have pain, GOD IS WORTHY! I know GOD WILL HEAL, the devil may bruise my feet. I HAVE CRUSHED HIS HEAD! IN JESUS NAME. I AM NOT A WHINER I AM A WINER!
Living Life Through Change
Kirstie