There is Joy in having a teenager!

For any parent I am sure the thought when you first hold your little baby is not about what will happen in 13+ years.  You think about if they are eating enough, how many diapers, feedings , teething, making sure you have Tylenol, all those things. Eventually they roll over coo girgle and that's big news!

Well When you go through a divorce the reality is that the kids get hurt. My oldest was no different. She was a toddler and she had quite a few angry years. This mommy cried, prayed, I went to my mom, I went to God I cried prayed and talked. I did what the Holy Spirit told me to. There were times that others did not agree with me. I felt like I had to fight to parent my kids other times I would ask Grampy to step in and talk to them.  This year has been very Hard on Candice with how sick I have been. Scary even.  Through several big God things in her life, The support of Her dad and step mom, Brent and I She had a Victory! I am so incredibly Proud of Candice. I have spent many hours talking to her about the fear of God vs. fear of man and peer pressure, character and being a fruit inspector. Just because others don't see your victory doesn't mean it didn't happen WALK IN YOUR VICTORY ! SEEING IS BELIEVING THE FRUIT WILL BE THE PROOF! You don't need to explain Gods victory to people who don't want to hear it. My baby is turning 14 in a few weeks and taller than me, growing in grace and beauty every day. She is a big sister to 3 here and 1 at her dad's. Very loving..... Once she walked in the way most teenagers do. Today she is proud of her modesty and giving honor to God with her body, she is loving and wiling to help with a cheerful heart. She works hard and is tender towards the voice of God. Seeking Him for her life because She wants a relationship with God for herself. She is a huge blessing! Candice I sure love you , I am honored and proud to be your mommy! I get many compliments on your great character! Well done keep it going WALK IN YOUR VICTORY GIRL!

Teach a child the way they should go when they are young......

  Living Life Through Change
    Kirstie

Candice and Phoebe

Candice

Silent ilness~ invisible

For some of you that don't know me yet or my story 6 years ago I had a closed head injury that left me with 4 kinds of migraines. Until that day I had never had a headache before. I to was a judgmental person saying but you look fine! I have no seizure activity with the migraines thankfully though they can't figure out what the trigger or triggers are. But I do have a unusual kind  of syncope where some people ( most ) only last a few seconds.... Mine can last a few hours. I wake with some delirium and that extreme pain that causes it also affects my spelling, I write like a kindergartner . Thank God for spell check! For about a year there has been other things going on unrelated.... But the rare or unusual seem to be my normal.
With the migraines I was bed ridden more than 17 days out of the month, then I found a different ind of treatment! RF or radio frequency they burn the nerve , non invasive. Not a cure but gave enough relief to be able to be in bed less! In the bathroom less from the throwing up from the migraines.... I was a single mom 2 kids lining back home with my parents. It was hard not working I started so young, I enjoyed hard work.
I also struggled with daily stuff, just basics. Finding a Dr. That could figure it out was hard, I had no idea what was going on. I felt so bad for all the times that I myself judged someone else that " looked fine" But said they were unwell. I understood why a person felt they may not have anything to offer in a relationship with limitations. But I was going to be ok. Then I got the black and white 3 years in  DISABILITY  and the percentage.... I was in my 20's then. I was devastated. But I am still doing what I can to be as healthy as possible.  For several months I have been in bed unable to keep food or liquid down without help, lost lots of weight in and out of the ER no idea of what the issue is now.... But we are getting answers a little at a time. I have a idea a possibility, Next week will get some results.
You know what is the most amazing? God gave me a Husband in 2010 that knew I had disabling migraines and how bad it might be, yet he chose me anyway. We have had some hard things one counselor we know told us we have had more in our 3+ years of marriage than most have in 20 years. But we also have such an incredibly strong love, respect and have protected our marriage. We Invest in each other daily and pray for and with each other  everyday. I know my cowboy better than he knows himself I have a PHD in him and I study him more every day. But the best thing I can give him is to Invest myself in a passionate relationship with God. Without God I am 100% sure I can not make the next 5 min. I Love to praise HIM , we live in a fallen world, God is not the author of my hurt but the author of every hope, every song in my heart, every smile, He is the reason I am even able to physically get up and stand with my broken body. His son died for me, for you.... So that the chains that bind can be broken we can be set free. He is a gift we can't earn just except , believe in our heart, start that walk.... Without Jesus I know I would Not Be Alive Today. Pain is a reminder sometimes of a greater need.....
Living Life Through Change
Kirstie

Time

Time ~
That word alone brings flooding memories from every corner of my mind.....
As a child my mom would say "toothbrush TIME" That meant 10 min. until we had to leave. The song that talk of TIME seasons of life. When you are just out of school TIME means little to nothing to most people. You hear just this one "Time" of course there are more to follow. The older I get the more I value Time, not just now or future. I will explain. There was a time in my life that was a season of great pain. In fact it was a decade of what seemed to stand still. When I look back it was a blink. It was a time that I was so afraid of life. The first half of that decade I am sure others thought many things. Mostly bad. I went through court and the hearings were so traumatizing I shook for hours. Breathing was painful, living was literally a choice I made daily asking God to yet again give me a reason, to give me courage to even get out of bed. I went through things that most people can't imagine. Few can understand.... Time did not heal the brokenness or fear God did. I don't look back now and shudder, I am no longer filled with shame at what was done to me. I am thankful because I am redeemed!

I have had the honor of walking through and with other women on their journey's from divorce and the ugly things that can lead up to it. And When God brings the healing from the wounded heart, body and mind.
I have had the pain of losing children by miscarriage and being tormented wishing there was something I could have done. I have had the pain of people turning away from me, accusing me of unthinkable things.... Others unable to understand choices our family has made. Unbelieving The physical problems I deal with daily.  Change is like being in labor there is always pain for a Time. But when You Give it to God. He wastes nothing I have never been in more pain physically than now, but I also have incredible Joy, Peace and Blessing. I have been RE Married since 2010 even with the Debilitating migraines that have caused me to be bed ridden, and other health issues I also had twins just after our first anniversary, Boy was He surprised! We now have kids 14, 8 and twins 18 mo. the youngest is the only boy. Talk about change! Dec 3 married, March out of a job, April 8 lost a baby, Shocked and Super shocked!!! we got pregnant 2 weeks after the loss with twins! July5 new Job By our first anniversary He had changed a 20 year career doubled his family and all from 40 years of singleness. I am incredibly blessed and blown away daily by him. We both Love as if Time was not a gift to be taken lightly. I try every day to make my husband know and feel without doubt it is my incandescent pleasure just to love Him in every way I can! He has a name for me that he uses that God gave him for me.... just for him. It envelops Time , Love, Redemption , Healing.....
Having hardship and pain builds character, those without the same experiences don't always comprehend or understand what has happened or what you are going through. That is ok. Love them, Forgive them keep walking.

Relationships are what you put into them.
What you are willing to put in is what you get out....
Invest Love, Truth, Mercy, Patience, Hope , be there when it is hard overwhelming , you don't understand. = That is part of marriage  or usually a parent .... If you have others in your life who stand by you remember to thank them!

Friendship comes in many shapes and sizes don't despise small beginnings .

Grace through pain

This has been a strange week in many way's. Have you ever had one of those weeks that seemed like it was a month in one week? But not bad , Just things you though you would do when you are old and grey.... Oh well let me think. hmmmm like a living will. at 34!? Yes I had to do that before several procedures this week. Wow can I just say that was odd. But who am I kidding I am old I have a teenager I am greying and I like it!  At least most things. My body getting older and having things change, not as much.

I found out this week I have a hernia and it is sitting on my diaphragm ! I love to sing ! I am not sure if that is the normal place you get one.  Guess it doesn't matter any way. This has been a tough year. I have been pretty sick. But the one thing I know is where the pain may silence some I will Sing Louder, Shout Louder the Praises of My King. HE IS WORTHY! Where some have been blinded by circumstances , deafened by the doubt. I See My God IS BIGGER, STRONGER AND GREATER, I HEAR THE TRUTH! MY GOD SET'S THE CAPTIVE FREE, GIVES HOPE TO THE HOPELESS, HE IS THE LIFTER OF MY HEAD. HE IS NEVER LATE. THERE IS NEVER WAST IT IS TO HIS GLORY.
Thank you God for using my life.  Thank you that you are bringing healing daily in different ways to my life and that you have used the things that once caused great pain, to be a source of pouring out joy and love to others. Thank you for the lives that you are touching even now.  Thank you for the grace to go on each day no mater the pain. Thank you for the joy that over flows from you even when things seem hard. Thank you that you see and understand all even when others may not....

Living life through change....
Kirstie

I wasn't thinking mom...

Change
June21 2013




The word change brings different emotions from others. Fear from some , excitement,  pain,  joy....

Raising kids there is constant change all around you. Reciently I had a conversation with my kids about  making choices. When we think through or not there are reactions to our choices. Running into the street though she looked for cars the toddler following doesn't know how, they just follow . That could have caused a child to get hit by a car. There are other things like Doing drugs, you don't know the after affect it may have later on your life. If you "Arn't thinking" You have a one night stand and get pregnant...  She said what do you mean mom? That is how you had me. I told her well I am not sorry I had her. But by not thinking, Not doing what I knew was right, not knowing the guy, being married, It brought many other things on. Pain to me for life.... Every time she gets her heart broken by dad being late, not showing up, changing his mind, not calling, working out of town longer than expected.... My not thinking caused a chain reaction of hurts. It also brought good things Her My beautiful loving, smiley, imaginative , caring, giving daughter. So that makes the hurt harder because of how deeply I love her. I also broke God's heart and devalued myself. I tole her of a story... We know a young father with a child about 2 who won't live to see his daughter get married, maby not graduate high school . Because , he wasn't thinking and just wanted to hang out and have fun. Now it cost his health and he wakes up coughing up blood every day there is nothing they can do. Another person They left in the middle of the night because of a person NOT THINKING  became dangerous so they fled with a child in the night to be safe.  So NOT THINKING was no longer a good answer.  A person NOT THINKING that got into a brawl outside our window one night to many..... police and social services finally took the child away. But not before the child was hurt from one of the many boyfriends of mom's Not thinking when she started drinking.
Life is always changing. Parenting is not easy. It breaks your heart when you love deeply. Why because when they break so do you. When they struggle your heart goes out to them. Being a parent is one of the best things I have ever done. I ask for help daily from the Holy Spirit, and my husband Brent. I was a single mom for 10 years after divorce and now we have kids ranging from 14 to twins that are 18 Mo. Life is always changing....  So Don't be afraid to love, parent, pray, ask for help even discipline. Just remember God is always there to help. Ask your kids to forgive you! Be the example you want then to be. HUG lots, tell them your proud of them and you love them! TEACH them or someone else will.
A day in the life through change....
Kirstie