For those of you who have read any of my blogs you know a few things.... I LOVE being a wife and mom, I deal with chronic pain, and the regular mom stuff....
Today I just want to send out a super special thank you for the people I know that serve so many! I have a window seat being a PK, being in ministry before , serving in high places of leadership, and what others would think might be low places....I enjoy every one!
This is a Thank You for The Pastors, the families, the Children's Pastor & his wife who serve and smile even when bombarded with people trying to fix medical problems that they can't understand, The Husbands that try to find balance in protecting and defending their wives and family units.... and trying to still walk in love when others are just porcupines. For the patience, dedication, mercy, love and prayer not to mention studying to help us sheep understand the word better! To have hope, healing, and so much more.... Where you comfort our kids and help them through when we parents are afraid of the teen years! or the potty training accident in nursery.... Or when I sing Loud and I will keep doing so!
For the Prayer, hugs, love support, understanding, lack of judging, reaching out! Making a Safe place! Volunteers in nursery , coffee shop, greeters ALL THE HUGGERS! THE PRAYER TEAM!
I pray for you all! We sure love you! Appreciate everyone of You!
Ethan Thanks for a clean place! RADIANT is HOME! WE ARE HUMBLED AND HONORED TO
SERVE BESIDE YOU ALL! The office staff, Music team.... THANKS!
Friday, July 26, 2013
The Joy of the Lord IS my strength!
This week has been simply put incredible....
My heart is so full of so much.... Anguish, and compassion for the many people I see hurting and in hard situations. I feel compelled to envelope so many with a hug. Hoping to ease the burden just a bit, to let them know. I care, I see, I am praying ( and yes I truly am! so many people say that... yet its just empty words). To let them know God cares and God loves them!
Our Pastor at Radiant ,Todd Huddnal, has been doing a great series on Jonah. It has just hit home in so many areas for Our life. God sending, compassion storms of mercy because he loves us So much! The great lengths God goes to reach us. And uses everything.
God is so amazing! I know what you may read after this will seem as hard to believe as a man being swallowed by a fish, but. My storm has not stopped.... but I am sheltered by the one who controls the storm. I have had a pretty bad week in the pain department, in fact last night It was one of the harder moments. The searing pain in my joints and the grinding of my hip got to where I could not stand. I crawled up the stairs like my toddlers. But something amazing was going on at the same time. I looked up and just said. "thank you God for this pain" smiling with tears running down my face, I said thank you for what it has taught me, for the gift's I have because of the pain. Thank you Lord for the courage to get out of bed today, and that you gave me JOY that comes from only You, that there is hope in you. Lord Thank You for using everything, that nothing is wasted. The pain I have felt in the last 8+ months have brought me to my knees. With trials God refines and purifies, Truth comes out. I was reading Psalm 32 about how we continually confess until ALL has been told, it was interesting in this passage that the writer of this psalm was struggling in body, that there was an appointed time! God would be the strength, would take care of teaching and keeping His eye on me. I am giving some bullets. Read it for yourself and ask God to show you....In the end REJOICE with shouts of Praise.
I have been spending all awake time when the kids are down with God. Last night was so much, so sweet more than 6 hours to myself with God un interrupted ! Had I not been in to much pain to sleep I would have missed a neat gift. When I prayed about all this. God showed me a word picture ..... He is always there and His grace is sufficient , its a gift. But for me to get that gift I had to make some decisions. 1 Get out of Bed. 2 The grace was in His hand but I had to seek it. 3. I had to be thankful for the very thing that was causing the discomfort.... my broken body. But it was more than that. finding gratitude in each moment! For everything constantly.
God always has more blessing in store for us than we know.... there was more than one gift! But there was another choice. I had to continue to walk the first 3 out, then he would give another gift, and another, and another. By now you are on the edge of your seat. thinking this lady has lost it! What now or What is going to happen next?!
Well the pain got worse! But I chose to up the anti so to speak. More gratitude, praise. Then....
I felt as if the heavens opened and just started pouring !
Love , incredible un measurable JOY! Peace and every day I have been CHOOSING and God has been pouring. When you have great pain or tragedy with God when you give it to him, He brings clarity understanding and its no longer God heal me, its God use this for your Glory today. Help me touch 1 person. Truth Gods truth reveals itself, healing comes.... but it doesn't always look like what we think it should. Honestly I am ok with that. I don't care. As long as God uses it! I have had a great time making intentional choices with time. Family, special time with my husband, fun time, prayer time.... Our TV is not on often. God is my addiction, if I don't get at least several hours a day, and prayer through the day, meditating on His word, praising him through the day. My body fails. Being 34 hearing grinding of the bone when it moves is not my idea of neat. It hurts, and then there's the migraine stuff. So I am fed up. My DRUG OF CHOICE JUST GOT UPPED, WITH THE PAIN! I am not belittling others that struggle with depression or even anger from the pain. I truly don't have other options! I am allergic to most pain meds. I refuse to add any other's or up what I am on. I refuse to be doped out, miss out, be bummed out, or cop out. The devil has a fighter! ME a child of God and its reckoning day every day!
3 regular pastors I listen to weekly..... Depression can't thrive in an atmosphere of gratitude constantly, or praise, or love... and JOY from the Lord being your strength. I got it! This has been the most intense, and most blessed, favored, joyful, loved season of my life yet. Trying to imagine how it gets better with God and it is always more than I dreamed.
Being a close friend to me is hard.... I am very passionate with a huge heart so full of love. My husband said the spill over is enough for most people for a lifetime , and someone once said my love was like a storm a tsunami ! Nice right? I am thinking fierce destructive great word pic.... but they explained to a average person, receiving love in small doses is hard. Living in or around a person that loves like that exposes the bad, creates fear in others because they can't comprehend why or how.
After listening to Jonah with Pastor Todd. I think it would be classified as a storm of mercy.... it gets bigger ( the love for others ) the closer I get to God. But like Gods love it is fierce , unending, amazing, OVERWHELMING ... in all the greatest and best ways. But until we understand the character of God that great love is scary. I am ever more thankful by the day for a husband who can receive the love I give and who loves me just as fiercely and wonderfully.
Honestly we are both givers, it brings great joy to give love ! I want to love in more than 5 languages of love ! But when we were first married having that kind of love was hard ! Learning to receive Love and the ability to pour it out are so different. I had never been loved so much like Christ loves. It made me uncomfortable, self-conscience , but it was inclusive, accepting , not possessive but protective. It made me understand Gods love in a deeper way. It is still overwhelming and I cry often, out of great joy and gratitude.
The one thing I will say in that is over the last 3 years being on the receiving end of such a love is easy from God for me. He is God I have learned His character , but to receive it from a human and daily agape love all the time! Wow it is humbling , exposing, terrifying & inspiring. Why you may ask? How can you be loved in such a way and not be convicted! Challenged to grow be a better you, be so filled with joy you want to laugh and weep. Where you truly know every day that love IS going to be there! It is real not fake?! The same but growing daily! Like a fierce storm.... What God has put together let NO man take apart! Wow that kind of fierce love. It war's for your heart! Words fail to express the depth of incandesce it brings. It is truly God given, inspired.......My beloved husband Brent doesn't make me feel like a queen.... but like I am the only woman that exists one look, one smile he takes car of my heart! He is not my slave, He is my Best friend, a Manly MAN, God Fearing, Challenges me, I love that he will tell me no! He is gifted, smart funny, my lover, a incredible father, provider, he still woes my heart. He is my Leader but serves our family with humility and trusts me and respects me, asks me for advice and help.... We are 1 I love to give him respect, admiration, honor in our home, to boast of the great man he is. It is so hard to be apart for just the time he has to work.... I count the time before the lunch call! Making surprises to visit, or finding new ways to bless him brings my heart such joy. My parents might disagree but I think I have a better marriage than they do, I am giving them a run for their money so to speak! They have a wonderful marriage.... I want my kids to surpass me! If you don't Fight FOR love, to protect love... invest in it? What are we teaching our kids about God's love?
Marriage is work, for me a labor of great love! I made a vow that every day I would pray for my husband really pray for him! And daily give myself to God for me
My heart is so full of so much.... Anguish, and compassion for the many people I see hurting and in hard situations. I feel compelled to envelope so many with a hug. Hoping to ease the burden just a bit, to let them know. I care, I see, I am praying ( and yes I truly am! so many people say that... yet its just empty words). To let them know God cares and God loves them!
Our Pastor at Radiant ,Todd Huddnal, has been doing a great series on Jonah. It has just hit home in so many areas for Our life. God sending, compassion storms of mercy because he loves us So much! The great lengths God goes to reach us. And uses everything.
God is so amazing! I know what you may read after this will seem as hard to believe as a man being swallowed by a fish, but. My storm has not stopped.... but I am sheltered by the one who controls the storm. I have had a pretty bad week in the pain department, in fact last night It was one of the harder moments. The searing pain in my joints and the grinding of my hip got to where I could not stand. I crawled up the stairs like my toddlers. But something amazing was going on at the same time. I looked up and just said. "thank you God for this pain" smiling with tears running down my face, I said thank you for what it has taught me, for the gift's I have because of the pain. Thank you Lord for the courage to get out of bed today, and that you gave me JOY that comes from only You, that there is hope in you. Lord Thank You for using everything, that nothing is wasted. The pain I have felt in the last 8+ months have brought me to my knees. With trials God refines and purifies, Truth comes out. I was reading Psalm 32 about how we continually confess until ALL has been told, it was interesting in this passage that the writer of this psalm was struggling in body, that there was an appointed time! God would be the strength, would take care of teaching and keeping His eye on me. I am giving some bullets. Read it for yourself and ask God to show you....In the end REJOICE with shouts of Praise.
I have been spending all awake time when the kids are down with God. Last night was so much, so sweet more than 6 hours to myself with God un interrupted ! Had I not been in to much pain to sleep I would have missed a neat gift. When I prayed about all this. God showed me a word picture ..... He is always there and His grace is sufficient , its a gift. But for me to get that gift I had to make some decisions. 1 Get out of Bed. 2 The grace was in His hand but I had to seek it. 3. I had to be thankful for the very thing that was causing the discomfort.... my broken body. But it was more than that. finding gratitude in each moment! For everything constantly.
God always has more blessing in store for us than we know.... there was more than one gift! But there was another choice. I had to continue to walk the first 3 out, then he would give another gift, and another, and another. By now you are on the edge of your seat. thinking this lady has lost it! What now or What is going to happen next?!
Well the pain got worse! But I chose to up the anti so to speak. More gratitude, praise. Then....
I felt as if the heavens opened and just started pouring !
Love , incredible un measurable JOY! Peace and every day I have been CHOOSING and God has been pouring. When you have great pain or tragedy with God when you give it to him, He brings clarity understanding and its no longer God heal me, its God use this for your Glory today. Help me touch 1 person. Truth Gods truth reveals itself, healing comes.... but it doesn't always look like what we think it should. Honestly I am ok with that. I don't care. As long as God uses it! I have had a great time making intentional choices with time. Family, special time with my husband, fun time, prayer time.... Our TV is not on often. God is my addiction, if I don't get at least several hours a day, and prayer through the day, meditating on His word, praising him through the day. My body fails. Being 34 hearing grinding of the bone when it moves is not my idea of neat. It hurts, and then there's the migraine stuff. So I am fed up. My DRUG OF CHOICE JUST GOT UPPED, WITH THE PAIN! I am not belittling others that struggle with depression or even anger from the pain. I truly don't have other options! I am allergic to most pain meds. I refuse to add any other's or up what I am on. I refuse to be doped out, miss out, be bummed out, or cop out. The devil has a fighter! ME a child of God and its reckoning day every day!
3 regular pastors I listen to weekly..... Depression can't thrive in an atmosphere of gratitude constantly, or praise, or love... and JOY from the Lord being your strength. I got it! This has been the most intense, and most blessed, favored, joyful, loved season of my life yet. Trying to imagine how it gets better with God and it is always more than I dreamed.
Being a close friend to me is hard.... I am very passionate with a huge heart so full of love. My husband said the spill over is enough for most people for a lifetime , and someone once said my love was like a storm a tsunami ! Nice right? I am thinking fierce destructive great word pic.... but they explained to a average person, receiving love in small doses is hard. Living in or around a person that loves like that exposes the bad, creates fear in others because they can't comprehend why or how.
After listening to Jonah with Pastor Todd. I think it would be classified as a storm of mercy.... it gets bigger ( the love for others ) the closer I get to God. But like Gods love it is fierce , unending, amazing, OVERWHELMING ... in all the greatest and best ways. But until we understand the character of God that great love is scary. I am ever more thankful by the day for a husband who can receive the love I give and who loves me just as fiercely and wonderfully.
Honestly we are both givers, it brings great joy to give love ! I want to love in more than 5 languages of love ! But when we were first married having that kind of love was hard ! Learning to receive Love and the ability to pour it out are so different. I had never been loved so much like Christ loves. It made me uncomfortable, self-conscience , but it was inclusive, accepting , not possessive but protective. It made me understand Gods love in a deeper way. It is still overwhelming and I cry often, out of great joy and gratitude.
The one thing I will say in that is over the last 3 years being on the receiving end of such a love is easy from God for me. He is God I have learned His character , but to receive it from a human and daily agape love all the time! Wow it is humbling , exposing, terrifying & inspiring. Why you may ask? How can you be loved in such a way and not be convicted! Challenged to grow be a better you, be so filled with joy you want to laugh and weep. Where you truly know every day that love IS going to be there! It is real not fake?! The same but growing daily! Like a fierce storm.... What God has put together let NO man take apart! Wow that kind of fierce love. It war's for your heart! Words fail to express the depth of incandesce it brings. It is truly God given, inspired.......My beloved husband Brent doesn't make me feel like a queen.... but like I am the only woman that exists one look, one smile he takes car of my heart! He is not my slave, He is my Best friend, a Manly MAN, God Fearing, Challenges me, I love that he will tell me no! He is gifted, smart funny, my lover, a incredible father, provider, he still woes my heart. He is my Leader but serves our family with humility and trusts me and respects me, asks me for advice and help.... We are 1 I love to give him respect, admiration, honor in our home, to boast of the great man he is. It is so hard to be apart for just the time he has to work.... I count the time before the lunch call! Making surprises to visit, or finding new ways to bless him brings my heart such joy. My parents might disagree but I think I have a better marriage than they do, I am giving them a run for their money so to speak! They have a wonderful marriage.... I want my kids to surpass me! If you don't Fight FOR love, to protect love... invest in it? What are we teaching our kids about God's love?Marriage is work, for me a labor of great love! I made a vow that every day I would pray for my husband really pray for him! And daily give myself to God for me
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Giggles and grins With my twins
Being a Mom of twins has been one of the many joys in my life. It must be special to have someone from day one who has been through the same thing! Yet each are uniquely different. Since before birth they were nick named the little buddies.... I read So much on twins. How life would be. The challenge! Honestly Brent and I were so thrilled and our girls were older so we had a little help. But I had no idea.
They are so much more fun! They had a few bad nights a week here and there. Books and everything I read Told us my husband and I would become virtual stranger in the first year, No intimacy would be possible with the demands of the new addition. Suggestions of adding a bed in the nursery were in every single thing we read. So we could take shifts, literally . Well if you have read any of my other blogs you will figure out abnormal is our normal. So peaceful, happy babies!
Phoebe was born first one minute older 5lb 12oz
Then Ethan 5 lb 9 oz... Phoebe ate a 2 oz bottle just after birth.
They are so much more fun! They had a few bad nights a week here and there. Books and everything I read Told us my husband and I would become virtual stranger in the first year, No intimacy would be possible with the demands of the new addition. Suggestions of adding a bed in the nursery were in every single thing we read. So we could take shifts, literally . Well if you have read any of my other blogs you will figure out abnormal is our normal. So peaceful, happy babies!
Phoebe was born first one minute older 5lb 12oz
Then Ethan 5 lb 9 oz... Phoebe ate a 2 oz bottle just after birth.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Miracles where you least suspect
~ Crazy update!!! False test for Lupus ! what a rolercoster . PTL I don't have it, running more tests one involves swallowing a tiny camera. I have come to this conclusion. After a super intense spiritual battling dream, among other incredible things. I believe that more than ever the only thing going on is my flesh is suffering from battle wounds in the spirit. I have always been very sensitive , I am just going to give it to God. I have done what I can in the way of Dr's I must have Kirstie itis or something New they can Name after me, Halfway joking. Bottom line THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYER, IT IS SURE WELCOME! Here is a summery of the amazing, super humbling things God is doing. over the last few weeks. I have been woken by God between 1:30-@6 AM Praying nightly..... during that time I have felt prompted to start a blog about our life and how God has been working through the pain and changes, one miracle after another, Brent has been fasting one day a week for months, God told us if you want change YOU must make a sacrifice intercede more, deeper. So we have been well as you might imagine I got worse. But the Joy got bigger, peace was deeper , pain more, God brought help in our trouble , a long awaited friendship that brought my face to the feet of God. To start a friendship from someone serving by taking care of you and your kids the house Praying over you the laundry cooking was such a blessing and a overwhelming gift of love from God. Then I started hearing first what I thought was chanting but it got louder, one neighbor was gone the others quiet and asleep.... nothing playing in the house. It was just in our master bedroom... Hundreds of People! PRAYING I GOT UP LOOKING OUTSIDE NO ONE! THEN I HEARD WORSHIP HALLELUJAH PRAISE BE UNTO OUR HOLY KING, TO THE I AM AND IT CONTINUED.... ALL I COULD DO WAS FALL TO MY FACE AND WEEP. PEACE FILLED ME, OUR ROOM, OUR HOME.... THIS HAS CONTINUED NIGHT AFTER NIGHT FOR A WEEK! I ASKED BRENT DO YOU HEAR IT? OH THE VOICES YES THEY HAVE BEEN GOING FOR A WHILE. Several Days ago I felt led to post on a sight for married women a encouragement to those who suffer in body, and to Praise, and Pray through, to lift up their spouse. The person who runs the site chose to publish my encouragement.... in 15 min. 200 thousand women had responded to a need of prayer, God had pricked my Heart to War for them STAND THE GAP . As many who have heard our Beloved Pastors at Radiant Share. God has been calling sparking a fire in Brent and I for such a long time. Ephesians 1 say's EVERY GIFT is our inheritance through Jesus Christ! My body may be broken, but my spirit man is at war! I will not go down! the devil will gain NO ground, after this war he will have no teeth and no gates for hell left. MY GO IS BIGGER, STRONGER, HE IS WORTHY HE IS THE I AM. WE WON'T JUST SERVE IN THIS HOUSE WE WILL PRAISE, WE WILL BE PASSIONATE, FIRST CHAIR, WARRIOR , WORSHIPING , BELIEVING GOD FEARING, PEOPLE LOVING, WE WALK IN VICTORY.... WE HAVE VICTORY IN CHRIST! I don't care if I have pain, GOD IS WORTHY! I know GOD WILL HEAL, the devil may bruise my feet. I HAVE CRUSHED HIS HEAD! IN JESUS NAME. I AM NOT A WHINER I AM A WINER!
Living Life Through Change
Kirstie
Living Life Through Change
Kirstie
A name for the problem..... or not?
To whom ever is reading this blog.... this isn't based on a true story it is one! But it sure reads like a soap opera , as the sands of time.... days of our lives. It is my life And Yesterday as events were unfolding I was so stunned I could not even be mad. I had to laugh. It is so hmmm not sure there is a word that fits. ludicrous ? ridicules ? supercalifradulisticexpialidocious I probably didn't spell it right. but even so it still doesn't seem to fit. Please sit and I will tell you the stupendis crazy mystery! Who knows it could be the one that makes it to the season premiere of HOUSE MD!? It is that bizarre.
Well after years of odd becoming my normal medically speaking any way. When I was a young teen I had a strange episode of illness. I don't remember much just that I had been very sick, had been telling my mom I really didn't feel good. Course she felt bad for not noticing faster like all moms do but I just remember it coming on from no where. There were 5 kids so mom as you can imagine was busy. Oh and she home schooled ALL 5! Did I forget to mention Pastors wife. Yes she still is SUPER WOMAN! She took me to the Dr. I got pretty bad just sitting there. Dr said off to admit to the hospital! I was crying I hears you will meet a surgeon there. I was pretty delirious .... getting the IV in seemed like a impossible feet! I had lots of visitors the few days I was there. But I remember only 2 one family the Claypools brought me fun pj's. And my grandparents. It was the first time I ever saw my Grandfather cry. Well they pretty much guessed I had upper and lower intestine infection.... tons of antibiotics , something for pain. No surgery went home. Years later same weird pain started again! in and out of the ER! Finally through many tears I grabbed the Dr's arm begging pleading. I said You can do exploratory surgery anything I will sign it, PLEASE Just fix it! He said one more test. He would call a friend. That one more test showed my gallbladder was functioning at less than 10% They were shocked!!! They didn't know the machine could pick up levels so low. The surgeon said when they removed it, it was the strangest thing he had seen. It was the size of a child's! It never grew with me through puberty he figured it burned out. I said well My mom raised me on a very healthy diet. I guess it couldn't handle me dating an Italian ! LOL
Then the closed head injury...... another long story with plywood and wind my Neurologist said I am ordered to never fly human kite's again ;-)
April 8th 2011 Just shy of 6 weeks miscarriage of my first child with Brent. I had just found out I was pregnant, didn't get started on a medication I need to keep me pregnant till the placenta is fully formed. Progesterone is what gives you morning sickness, my body quit making it when it is supposto in pregnancy. We lost a baby our OB made sure things were taking a safe course. Then we started having problems.... back to the ER. The Dr said well its not unusual to have some of these problems. You won't be able to get pregnant for some time with these complications. By Easter we found out we were pregnant?! But What So We called that Monday Dr called in the meds. better safe than sorry! Praise The Lord! it took a few weeks to get in for the first ultra sound. I just knew.... It felt so different. I kept telling my husband it was twins. Of curse NO ONE believed me! lol But we went in. there was a restroom in the ultrasound room, mu husband walked out was fixing his belt buckle and she blurted out so sir how do you feel about twins? bulging eyes welling up, he started laughing she knew, how did you know!
It was a strange and wonderful thing! I had Choliostasis in the end of course its rare! lol last 2 months. We got to know the nursing staff by first name. born at 36 weeks both just shy of 6 lb! lungs 96% Thursday night Dec 15th.... We made our first anniversary, barely it was the 3d. and doubled our crew! We all went home Saturday just after lunch! even after a csection!
Brent said since then I have not fully recovered. kidney infection and 3 days in the hospital, strange rash on my torso, drinking die tests, stuck with needles , CT scans, endoscopy, colenoscopy, bleeding places that you shouldn't be, tested for countless things...... We finally had a answer! Lupus! Then we went in yesterday and they said ...... ummmm. well.... I know it said this but the person that told you wasn't qualified to tell you. They didn't understand . Congratulations It is Not Lupus! We Do Not know. But We have a few more tests we would like to run.
For any of you who haven't seen Pollyanna. GET IT! Play the Glad game. The pro's are I went on a Hot date with my husband! I don't have Lupus! I seem to have more things each week.... I have decided ! It must be a spiritual thing. The bible says it is not against flesh and blood but principalities of darkness that we war. If I didn't live in it, I wouldn't believe it would be possible. My husband kids, and even my mom could tell you how bad it has been. Scary! Even look like I was going to die.
My heart has never broken more than to have my husband cradle my body sobbing..... begging me to live. We have only had 3 years.
The Bible said Gods word shall not return void. I believe with my entire heart Gods word in its entirety it truth! God gave Brent and I a mission, we have not fulfilled it yet. I will Praise God , I will continue to hold onto Gods truth, His promise, His grace! I am at this point continuing the tests out of love and respect for my husband. But I don't think they will find anything. I think jut as he fast's and sacrifices one day a week.... So my body sacrifices in other ways as we war on in the spirit. I will not relent! We will War on! Continuing to stand the gap for many, praying serving , loving.... choosing to take no offense to those who can't understand the suffering that is real, not just to me.... but to so many. God has used this so soften my heart to others who have chronic pain, illness, and have been wounded by others that challenge their integrity. I understand the fear and now see it in those who are trying to not protect the person who has pain but a family, a wife, mom jobs, children. God has used this to bring healing to my own wounds from people who have said hurtful things. Some because they just don't know better, others because of insecurities, fear, many kinds! fear of unknowns, how could someone you know have this, does that mean I will get this, anger, bitterness jealousy ....... I told my mom they can call it Kirstie itis.... Because it is the bug that brings pain, but with it brings Prayer, Praise, Peace and Joy from the Lord. I no longer need a Name. It doesn't matter. As another person I know who suffers said we will appreciate our heavenly bodies that mush more! Though truthfully when we are there I just want to Sing to Jesus. Just as I do now. God has given me great Miracles through this incredible pain. without great pain we would not understand great joy!
Thanks for sharing this moment...
Living Live Through Change
Kirstie
Well after years of odd becoming my normal medically speaking any way. When I was a young teen I had a strange episode of illness. I don't remember much just that I had been very sick, had been telling my mom I really didn't feel good. Course she felt bad for not noticing faster like all moms do but I just remember it coming on from no where. There were 5 kids so mom as you can imagine was busy. Oh and she home schooled ALL 5! Did I forget to mention Pastors wife. Yes she still is SUPER WOMAN! She took me to the Dr. I got pretty bad just sitting there. Dr said off to admit to the hospital! I was crying I hears you will meet a surgeon there. I was pretty delirious .... getting the IV in seemed like a impossible feet! I had lots of visitors the few days I was there. But I remember only 2 one family the Claypools brought me fun pj's. And my grandparents. It was the first time I ever saw my Grandfather cry. Well they pretty much guessed I had upper and lower intestine infection.... tons of antibiotics , something for pain. No surgery went home. Years later same weird pain started again! in and out of the ER! Finally through many tears I grabbed the Dr's arm begging pleading. I said You can do exploratory surgery anything I will sign it, PLEASE Just fix it! He said one more test. He would call a friend. That one more test showed my gallbladder was functioning at less than 10% They were shocked!!! They didn't know the machine could pick up levels so low. The surgeon said when they removed it, it was the strangest thing he had seen. It was the size of a child's! It never grew with me through puberty he figured it burned out. I said well My mom raised me on a very healthy diet. I guess it couldn't handle me dating an Italian ! LOL
Then the closed head injury...... another long story with plywood and wind my Neurologist said I am ordered to never fly human kite's again ;-)
April 8th 2011 Just shy of 6 weeks miscarriage of my first child with Brent. I had just found out I was pregnant, didn't get started on a medication I need to keep me pregnant till the placenta is fully formed. Progesterone is what gives you morning sickness, my body quit making it when it is supposto in pregnancy. We lost a baby our OB made sure things were taking a safe course. Then we started having problems.... back to the ER. The Dr said well its not unusual to have some of these problems. You won't be able to get pregnant for some time with these complications. By Easter we found out we were pregnant?! But What So We called that Monday Dr called in the meds. better safe than sorry! Praise The Lord! it took a few weeks to get in for the first ultra sound. I just knew.... It felt so different. I kept telling my husband it was twins. Of curse NO ONE believed me! lol But we went in. there was a restroom in the ultrasound room, mu husband walked out was fixing his belt buckle and she blurted out so sir how do you feel about twins? bulging eyes welling up, he started laughing she knew, how did you know!
It was a strange and wonderful thing! I had Choliostasis in the end of course its rare! lol last 2 months. We got to know the nursing staff by first name. born at 36 weeks both just shy of 6 lb! lungs 96% Thursday night Dec 15th.... We made our first anniversary, barely it was the 3d. and doubled our crew! We all went home Saturday just after lunch! even after a csection!
Brent said since then I have not fully recovered. kidney infection and 3 days in the hospital, strange rash on my torso, drinking die tests, stuck with needles , CT scans, endoscopy, colenoscopy, bleeding places that you shouldn't be, tested for countless things...... We finally had a answer! Lupus! Then we went in yesterday and they said ...... ummmm. well.... I know it said this but the person that told you wasn't qualified to tell you. They didn't understand . Congratulations It is Not Lupus! We Do Not know. But We have a few more tests we would like to run.
For any of you who haven't seen Pollyanna. GET IT! Play the Glad game. The pro's are I went on a Hot date with my husband! I don't have Lupus! I seem to have more things each week.... I have decided ! It must be a spiritual thing. The bible says it is not against flesh and blood but principalities of darkness that we war. If I didn't live in it, I wouldn't believe it would be possible. My husband kids, and even my mom could tell you how bad it has been. Scary! Even look like I was going to die.
My heart has never broken more than to have my husband cradle my body sobbing..... begging me to live. We have only had 3 years.
The Bible said Gods word shall not return void. I believe with my entire heart Gods word in its entirety it truth! God gave Brent and I a mission, we have not fulfilled it yet. I will Praise God , I will continue to hold onto Gods truth, His promise, His grace! I am at this point continuing the tests out of love and respect for my husband. But I don't think they will find anything. I think jut as he fast's and sacrifices one day a week.... So my body sacrifices in other ways as we war on in the spirit. I will not relent! We will War on! Continuing to stand the gap for many, praying serving , loving.... choosing to take no offense to those who can't understand the suffering that is real, not just to me.... but to so many. God has used this so soften my heart to others who have chronic pain, illness, and have been wounded by others that challenge their integrity. I understand the fear and now see it in those who are trying to not protect the person who has pain but a family, a wife, mom jobs, children. God has used this to bring healing to my own wounds from people who have said hurtful things. Some because they just don't know better, others because of insecurities, fear, many kinds! fear of unknowns, how could someone you know have this, does that mean I will get this, anger, bitterness jealousy ....... I told my mom they can call it Kirstie itis.... Because it is the bug that brings pain, but with it brings Prayer, Praise, Peace and Joy from the Lord. I no longer need a Name. It doesn't matter. As another person I know who suffers said we will appreciate our heavenly bodies that mush more! Though truthfully when we are there I just want to Sing to Jesus. Just as I do now. God has given me great Miracles through this incredible pain. without great pain we would not understand great joy!
Thanks for sharing this moment...
Living Live Through Change
Kirstie
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